I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
