She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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