Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
