i would punch a child for taco bell
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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