i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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