....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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