Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
