wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
