It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
