She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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