was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
