I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
