i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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