No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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