I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
