I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
