Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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