Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize