She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
