is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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