Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need help removing her.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
