ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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