seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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