I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
