ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
