I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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