she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
