Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
