She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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