oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
