my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
