Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
