I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
