you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize