Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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