i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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