For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
