is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
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