I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
