i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
