I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pop tarts are not kleenex
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
