Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
