it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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