Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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