i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
