Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The air was thick with penises
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
