do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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