she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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