Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
