Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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