I must be too annoying 4 u.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
