You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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