i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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