I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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