it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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