Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize