OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He has the fingertips of a God
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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