So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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