When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
