Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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