careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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