I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Text me some of your sweat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
