fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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