Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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