i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
