A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
