You're completely useless in the revolution.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
