ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
