You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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