there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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