Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
