Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
