I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
