My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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