Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
