i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
