Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
