I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize