That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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