Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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