Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
