Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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