My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
