I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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