You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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