Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
