woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
