Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
