Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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