you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
