So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
