There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
