Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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